Sunday, June 2, 2013

Did I Just Get Married?

It's official: my computer has dust on it.
When I'm not on it everyday for classes and whatnot, I just don't really use it...and I hate to admit it, but I start to neglect this pretty little blog that I have.

But, fear not. I have things to share!
For those of you that are frantically searching this post to see if I actually tied the knot, look no further:
No. I did not run off and get hitched. 

But, boy, somedays it sure feels like it.
Except, my new "groom" is a six foot tall, beautiful woman who loves to cook, make her own clothes (she's literally doing that as we speak), and talk about Jesus all. the. time. 

I know this is a strange analogy, but in these last two weeks I've gotten a crash course in what I presume marriage would be like.

I'd just like to preface this blog entry with this: this was tough to write, simply because it's exposing a real struggle that Liv and I are facing. I was very intentional about her being a part of this entry so that we both approved of what was being shared. So, just know that this is not me whining or taking jabs at her, but rather our mutual assessment of what's been going on and who we each are.

I'm sure marriage is a wonderful thing, but I know the first year is one of the hardest for a lot of couples. It's a blending of two worlds and all that mushy-sappy-tough stuff.
But imagine this: my "courting" period was about five months.
We met.
We went to St. Louis to an awesome conference.
We fell in love with God.
God started to unveil a friendship.
We started pursuing Him and ministering together.
And God has been growing our friendship ever since.
And then we got a house and moved in together...

....and we realized how little we really knew about each other....

It has been a blending of two completely different worlds, mindsets, personalities, and backgrounds. In our spiritual walks, Liv and I are so similar and understand each other so well.

But in the earthly realm she's whimsical and I'm calculated.
She naturally makes messes and doesn't mind them, whereas I can't stand them, try to avoid them, and will clean up every small ounce of one if one happens to be made.
She can bounce from topic to topic and I like to process one thing at a time.
I love to think and she loves to verbalize.
She loves to start ten things at once and doesn't mind if some of them don't get done and I have to do one or two things until they are finished.
She gets her rest from an empty house and I can't stand one.
I'm intentional and careful with my words and she says things freely and without much thought.
She's black and white and I'm grey.
And the list goes on...

That's how we would each describe our personalities.
Obviously, they're very different.

God carefully and specifically designed each of us exactly to his liking, knowing just how he would use each of our traits and quirks for His Kingdom. But, we are not perfect. Neither of us has reached a place of Christ-likeness, and we have some serious flaws that God is working on. And sometimes that's hard to remember.
Really hard.

I'll be humbly honest, there are so many moments where I get caught up in the way I'm doing things that I refuse to accept that there are other ways. I get annoyed because we can't communicate effectively. Or I get frustrated because she isn't doing something "right" (which I narrow-mindly define as my way).
For the last week or so the two of us got so caught up in making our lives work and mesh that we kind of forgot the fact that we are supposed to be operating in and for a different, much less stressful realm called the Kingdom.

So today we went out to have some coffee and DTR.

(For those that don't know what a DTR is, it means Define the Relationship. It usually occurs at some point in one's dating relationship and is pretty self explanatory. You sit down and talk about where your relationship is headed. Obviously, that's not really what we intended for our coffee date to be, but it seemed a lot like one.)

As we sat and talked today, we realized how much we had lost the vision. The day to day things had affected our attitudes to the point that neither of us was really putting in much effort. Here God has entrusted us with a house and a summer full of plans and we were selfishly caught up with ourselves and what we each wanted or didn't want, liked or disliked.
Needless to say, our talk was long and full of repentance, apologies, and reassessing. And honestly, I think God's plan looks a lot different than I originally thought, but He is God and He gets to plan whatever He wants. It's my job to follow, not to make the plans and sometimes not even to understand them.

So here we are.
Two really strange and unlikely "newlyweds" who are now at a point that they have gotten over themselves and realized that they are not enough to make this thing work. If this summer is about us, then it's not worth it.
We are ready for God to step in and take control, pulling each of us into something far greater than we could have ever imagined.
As we live in the natural, it's not always the easiest of times...but God didn't call us to live in the natural. He called us to live in the supernatural. He called us to live in His Kingdom, relying on Him rather than ourselves.

Lord, help us as we learn how to do that.

And now, a goofy picture...just because. 

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