And that one this is Jesus.
And, once again, He has reminded me of His total and complete trustworthiness, His adoration of me, and His everlasting patience and grace.
These last several months my heart has been really struggling with feeling out of place. And it only gets worse with time. I am so deeply passionate about intercultural orphan, elderly, and special needs care that walking around, doing very little investing in others and a whole lot of allowing God to invest in me, feels a little pointless and selfish.
Going to an expensive college, even though that's where God has asked me to be, doesn't feel like it is really doing me, or anyone else, any good. And I don't really like that.
These last couple weeks I had actually made up my mind that God didn't want me to go back to school. I made up my mind and decided that God finally realized He'd made a mistake. He finally realized I would be much more useful elsewhere.
Thank goodness! The God of the universe had finally come to His senses...
And then the other day I was talking to God and asking Him what He wanted me to do instead of going to school, because obviously He didn't want me there (ya know, because it's not helping anyone and such). And, as we were talking, God told me something really smart. He told me that I was far too invested in this topic and that I couldn't hear Him clearly. He then told me to seek prophetic word on the subject.
So I did.
This last week I had a prophetic couple pray over me without giving them any background and they immediately spoke straight to the issue. And with their prayers came some supernatural impartation of wisdom.
The Spirit knows no time.
My spirit sees a door and knows that door is where God is calling me, but it doesn't operate in time, so it feels out of place. Even though God fully intends to open that door in His perfect timing, my spirit feels like it should be open now and is frustrated that it's not. But, my body and mind operate in the realm of time and they have a journey that God wants to take them through before He opens the door.
So good, right?!
Maybe God has better plans than me after all. :)
And because God is so good, He continues to reassure me that I'm right where He wants me to be.
My daycare job is great for a million and one reasons, but mainly because- as I attempt to lovingly care for lots of little, diapered booties- I find myself continually reminded of how God sees and cares for me as His child.
Yesterday, I was helping one of the little ones do a puzzle. We had maybe four or five of the inside pieces put together and she was trying to fit an outside piece into the picture, but the puzzle wasn't ready for that piece. She kept moving it all around the puzzle trying to force it to fit. And, as I could see the whole picture, I said, "Al, that's not going to work yet. We have to put some of the other piecs in first."
And then God hit me with those same words.
"Lauren, that's not going to work yet. We have to put some of the other pieces in first. Trust me, though, I can see the whole picture and it is going to turn out beautifully."
So, even though I don't understand why the door isn't open and even though I would so much rather NOT be going into debt at an expensive school, I am simply following God's call out of obedience and in fifteen days I will be heading back to a school I'm really trying to fall in love with.
But, in the meantime I am trying to live in the here-and-now. Last night I went to my parents and had dinner with them and my siblings (and my unborn nephew!!). I enjoyed playing poker, laying on the floor talking, and having like an hour long iPhone-lightsaber dual that had me really working up a sweat. (seriously, if you have an iPhone you need this lightsaber app!) I enjoyed having my brother come over and sleep in the guest bed to "protect me with his muscles" from anything that might harm me in the dark of the night. And now, I am enjoying sitting in my pajamas at noon, drinking coffee and watching a movie/blogging with my brother on a lazy saturday morning/afternoon.
Honestly, the here-and-now is looking pretty darn good. Sometimes I just need to readjust my glasses and get a better perspective and I am so thankful that God so graciously reminds me of how to do that.
Now, here's a song that makes me feel so honored and so unworthy all at the same time. Be blessed and encouraged and know that God has memorized you, knows you, and has a perfect plan for you that He is going to unveil at just the right time. He has purposefully put each star in the sky right where He wants it. How much more then will He take care of you?!